Oof I just read the sarcastic comment you mentioned in your post and I just want to say that this person really wasn’t tuned into the depth of what you were communicating—that it wasn’t about your husband being gone but about being present to the loneliness that you suspect is always under the surface. I suspect that person is not present with their own feelings and is therefore actually unable to hear what you’re really saying. Your hurt is valid. And yet, your writing is so relatable to those of us who are becoming alive to our inner worlds.
Liz Gilbert talks about how in Eastern spirituality, there’s an understanding that we play a sort of hide and seek with the divine—we find it and feel that joy, then we lose it in our suffering, only to find it again. Like divine peek-a-boo. And I am learning to embrace that reality. Maybe even find the humour in it. Definitely trying to release the shame of needing to learn lessons over and over again!
To your first point - I know!! I re-read my piece today and I agree, they did seem to rather miss the point... Maybe they feel loneliness very intensely and read just the first few lines of my piece and were so upset/angry that their loneliness and pain isn't validated by others, or themselves, they decided to take it out on me. Eckhart Tolle talks about the 'pain body' that wants to be shared: sometimes, when we're in pain, we want other people to be in pain too. And yes, I wanted it to be relatable - not to be indulgent or self-serving. Which is why the comment hurt, made me think AM I being really indulgent and complaining about nothing?
Love that idea from Liz Gilbert and Eastern spirituality. That is very much how I relate to suffering. And I hear you about needing to learn lessons over and over again; me too! It's such a relief to know that that is just how it is to be human. Remembering and forgetting.
Thank you for the mention Ellie, I really appreciate it. I hope you can be so kind and gentle to yourself, especially on less sleep and that overwhelm IS very, well, overwhelming, no matter what it's about, it's how we feel it and how we process it that counts. Also, I think many of us are stuck in that swinging between wanting to get out there and change things, to feeling utterly useless and despairing the rest of the time (I've been writing some things about this, but haven't published any yet). Sending you so much support, you're doing great!
Thanks so much for sharing all of this. It didn’t feel meandering at all…because it’s all interconnected. I’m in such a similar place, it all resonates so much. It’s such a crazy time to be alive.
I'm sorry you experienced bad comments on here. I think you write beautifully. What I have learned in my writing process is that nothing is perfect. Some days I am happy with my writing, other days I'm not.
Thank you so much Elisabeth. And thank you for sharing about your writing process - yes, it's so normal for us to be happy with it somedays and other days not so much xxx
This is a super vulnerable post Ellie but my goodness do I honour and respect you for sharing it. I feel your aches in this piece but admire your bravery for sharing them. The world needs more authentic people like you 🤍
This is so beautifully honest and I think many of us relate to the sentiments and that hyper vigilance… and yes while we are safe in so many ways, we can’t detract from the felt sense that our body is presenting. Those sensations and that super aroused state is true for many of us without a rational reason. It’s deeply primal. It sounds like a really powerful podcast episode, I love Tara’s work. Thank you lovely one for sharing your heart with us, I hope it has felt soothing to you to open up and be held by this community in your tenderness. Xxx
Thank you Lauren xxx Yes it really makes a difference when people are so kind in their responses and to know that it resonates and supports others. I share for myself and I share for others - because I know it makes me feel so much less alone when people share something about the human experience, and it could be something so ordinary, and I think: yes, me too! And it's transformative, to not feel so alone xxx
Your essay, your heart and your light are BRILLIANT. Let's just be clear about that from the beginning. I am SO glad you wrote every single word. Each and every one means something and IS absolutely important and carries a message someone out there NEEDS.
As I am reading, I am thinking, "me too, me too, me too." You are validating what goes through my head as I try to navigate the world that is Substack, the world that exists when we recognize our false refuges are killing us and destroying everything around us. Your words make me feel less alone and as I have STRUGGLED to find my place here especially after going deep into my heart and deciding to go paywall free, I can't tell you how important your vulnerability is and just how poignant your essay truly is.
To bring in Tara's teachings, the way in which you wove them in to your own experiences, reminded me that love is a key portal to presence, this golden thread of meandering that will stay with me and shape the course of my day and beyond.
Never stop writing, and when you forget...as I do all the time...I'll be your friendly neighbor here to remind you ❤️🙏
Awww thank you so much for your incredibly kind words Niki! I really appreciate it. And I'm so so glad my words made you feel less alone. I have a lot of doubt about sharing things vulnerably, and I'm so glad when people like you read it and connect to it and it shows me that YES being vulnerable helps other people. When others are vulnerable and human it gives us permission to be vulnerable and human too. I look forward to reading your work very soon (I'm off to put my toddler to bed now!) xxx
Working through your posts which have captivated me, as Im sure you will deduce from a string of comments. So much of what you say resonates, but your voice is so authentic. Many of us feel the same emotions, but few of us can avoid taking refuge in the false harbours that Tara Brach often refers too. It takes a brave and courageous heart to write as you do. If you ever recieve an insincere or sarcastic comment, please wear it with honour. You are taking the bullets most of us hide from.
I've had this saved for a while and finally catching up on some reading ❤️ and I love a meandering essay, it's true and from the heart. When we're not getting enough sleep, doing any writing is amazing! And so much resonates with me, thank you
Oof I just read the sarcastic comment you mentioned in your post and I just want to say that this person really wasn’t tuned into the depth of what you were communicating—that it wasn’t about your husband being gone but about being present to the loneliness that you suspect is always under the surface. I suspect that person is not present with their own feelings and is therefore actually unable to hear what you’re really saying. Your hurt is valid. And yet, your writing is so relatable to those of us who are becoming alive to our inner worlds.
Liz Gilbert talks about how in Eastern spirituality, there’s an understanding that we play a sort of hide and seek with the divine—we find it and feel that joy, then we lose it in our suffering, only to find it again. Like divine peek-a-boo. And I am learning to embrace that reality. Maybe even find the humour in it. Definitely trying to release the shame of needing to learn lessons over and over again!
Hi Aleesha,
To your first point - I know!! I re-read my piece today and I agree, they did seem to rather miss the point... Maybe they feel loneliness very intensely and read just the first few lines of my piece and were so upset/angry that their loneliness and pain isn't validated by others, or themselves, they decided to take it out on me. Eckhart Tolle talks about the 'pain body' that wants to be shared: sometimes, when we're in pain, we want other people to be in pain too. And yes, I wanted it to be relatable - not to be indulgent or self-serving. Which is why the comment hurt, made me think AM I being really indulgent and complaining about nothing?
Love that idea from Liz Gilbert and Eastern spirituality. That is very much how I relate to suffering. And I hear you about needing to learn lessons over and over again; me too! It's such a relief to know that that is just how it is to be human. Remembering and forgetting.
Thank you for your words xxx
Thank you for the mention Ellie, I really appreciate it. I hope you can be so kind and gentle to yourself, especially on less sleep and that overwhelm IS very, well, overwhelming, no matter what it's about, it's how we feel it and how we process it that counts. Also, I think many of us are stuck in that swinging between wanting to get out there and change things, to feeling utterly useless and despairing the rest of the time (I've been writing some things about this, but haven't published any yet). Sending you so much support, you're doing great!
Thanks so much for sharing all of this. It didn’t feel meandering at all…because it’s all interconnected. I’m in such a similar place, it all resonates so much. It’s such a crazy time to be alive.
Beautiful and deeply resonant, Ellie. I'm grateful you invited us into your meandering! ❤️
Thank you so much Dana ❤️
I'm sorry you experienced bad comments on here. I think you write beautifully. What I have learned in my writing process is that nothing is perfect. Some days I am happy with my writing, other days I'm not.
Thank you so much Elisabeth. And thank you for sharing about your writing process - yes, it's so normal for us to be happy with it somedays and other days not so much xxx
This is a super vulnerable post Ellie but my goodness do I honour and respect you for sharing it. I feel your aches in this piece but admire your bravery for sharing them. The world needs more authentic people like you 🤍
Thank you so much Kerry, I appreciate this so much xxx
This is so beautifully honest and I think many of us relate to the sentiments and that hyper vigilance… and yes while we are safe in so many ways, we can’t detract from the felt sense that our body is presenting. Those sensations and that super aroused state is true for many of us without a rational reason. It’s deeply primal. It sounds like a really powerful podcast episode, I love Tara’s work. Thank you lovely one for sharing your heart with us, I hope it has felt soothing to you to open up and be held by this community in your tenderness. Xxx
Thank you Lauren xxx Yes it really makes a difference when people are so kind in their responses and to know that it resonates and supports others. I share for myself and I share for others - because I know it makes me feel so much less alone when people share something about the human experience, and it could be something so ordinary, and I think: yes, me too! And it's transformative, to not feel so alone xxx
I agree. It’s healing in many ways to share. Xxx
This resonates deeply. Thank you.
I'm so glad to hear that Lisette x
Ellie,
Your essay, your heart and your light are BRILLIANT. Let's just be clear about that from the beginning. I am SO glad you wrote every single word. Each and every one means something and IS absolutely important and carries a message someone out there NEEDS.
As I am reading, I am thinking, "me too, me too, me too." You are validating what goes through my head as I try to navigate the world that is Substack, the world that exists when we recognize our false refuges are killing us and destroying everything around us. Your words make me feel less alone and as I have STRUGGLED to find my place here especially after going deep into my heart and deciding to go paywall free, I can't tell you how important your vulnerability is and just how poignant your essay truly is.
To bring in Tara's teachings, the way in which you wove them in to your own experiences, reminded me that love is a key portal to presence, this golden thread of meandering that will stay with me and shape the course of my day and beyond.
Never stop writing, and when you forget...as I do all the time...I'll be your friendly neighbor here to remind you ❤️🙏
Awww thank you so much for your incredibly kind words Niki! I really appreciate it. And I'm so so glad my words made you feel less alone. I have a lot of doubt about sharing things vulnerably, and I'm so glad when people like you read it and connect to it and it shows me that YES being vulnerable helps other people. When others are vulnerable and human it gives us permission to be vulnerable and human too. I look forward to reading your work very soon (I'm off to put my toddler to bed now!) xxx
Working through your posts which have captivated me, as Im sure you will deduce from a string of comments. So much of what you say resonates, but your voice is so authentic. Many of us feel the same emotions, but few of us can avoid taking refuge in the false harbours that Tara Brach often refers too. It takes a brave and courageous heart to write as you do. If you ever recieve an insincere or sarcastic comment, please wear it with honour. You are taking the bullets most of us hide from.
I've had this saved for a while and finally catching up on some reading ❤️ and I love a meandering essay, it's true and from the heart. When we're not getting enough sleep, doing any writing is amazing! And so much resonates with me, thank you