Adore is a strong word isn't it. I think my inner critic steps in too and I tell myself to be adored is to have someone obsessed with you or entranced. I wonder if that feels like too much for me. A really thought provoking post. When I was younger I definitely had a case of misheard lyrics. I thought it was I want to be a dawd. I wondered what a dawd was. Oh dear. I mean I wasn't even that young when it came out.
Ha ha that made me laugh! Yes it does feel strong. It’s funny because I thought my inner critic would jump in with ‘what the hell do you think you’re doing?’ but surprisingly the words just lifted me up and made my heart swell… and it made me feel LESS selfish and self-obsessed, it opened up my heart to love for others. So before it could even step in, my inner critic’s likely protests had been proved wrong! I really get that it feels too much. But would love to know what does happen when you try it - how does it feel in your body? What does your inner critic say? And what do you think it needs?
This is so beautiful, Ellie. I'm two and a half years into sobriety, and this is a practice I've started to appreciate too. In quiet moments, I call myself by my family nickname, Mishy, and tell myself that I'm loved and adored. It's so powerful! And as you say, you feel the love radiating out towards other people too. It's absolutely the starting point for true, deep love and compassion for everyone around you. I hope that with practice I'll be able to access that place of self-adoration not only in quiet moments, but always. What an unshakeable foundation that would be! Thank you for the beautiful reminder of the importance of this beautiful practice. 💕
Oh Michelle thank you for sharing this - I feel such joy knowing you can bring this practise of love and adoration to yourself. And huge congratulations on 2.5 years of sobriety xx
What a gorgeous essay! I so relate to chasing scraps of affection from boys when I was younger. I cringe to think of some of the situations I put myself in. Opening up to adore yourself is such a delightful invitation. But I do wonder why you don't believe you could get that from another person? My husband and I are celebrating 13 years of marriage this year. He totally adores and supports me, even when I am expressing the worst parts of me. His love has been so healing and steady for me. I can definitely see the danger of putting all your self-worth into a single person, but for me personally, it's been beautiful way to feel held and supported as I did my own healing work. My life has been often difficult, sad and lonely, but God was nice enough to give me a guardian angel.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and thoughts Suzanne. Congratulations to you and your husband :) Me and mine have been together that long too. And yes, you know - even as I was writing down that you can’t expect another person to adore you I did wonder whether that was true. Like you, I have found my husband’s love incredibly healing - he was the first person in my life I felt unconditional love from. And it is so wonderful to find a partner who adores us.
What I was meaning, I think, is that it isn’t so healthy - well, certainly wasn’t for me - to be looking for love and adoration solely outside of ourselves. Thinking ‘when someone loves me, then I’ll be OK’. Definitely we need love from other people - it’s essential for human beings - but also I believe it’s so important to cultivate love within ourselves. Otherwise our sense of safety and worth becomes dependent on another person - a lot of pressure for them, and also not a truly safe place for us to be. My husband’s love has been truly healing and helped me get out of a very bad place, but what is truly transforming my life and bringing me a sense of greater peace, connection and love for others, is first looking within myself for that love I so long for.
Reading your absolutely gorgeous, intimate essay was the biggest and best gift right to my heart, Ellie!! I'm so touched I don't even know what to say tbh! I'm just so happy you are feeling the self-adoration you have always deserved. There's something about it isn't there, you nailed it. It's different from self-love and self-compassion.... it's like a brilliant dare or wink from the universe to go even further. And that you took the time to share this, well, that's just the entire BEST. Thank YOU. :) XO
I love this so much. I feel all this and couldn’t have written it better. You made me feel seen and understood. Congratulations, and I already adore you.
Yes! I love this so much. Dare I say that I adore you after reading this? These are the messages I get over and over again. It’s our birthright this self-love, this self-adoration, this self-consideration. Why not accept it, receive it, this gift of your own love. “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere.” – Buddha
Yes, Julie, that's it - it is our birthright and why not accept it? Once we see it (and inevitably forget again!) we can see that love is already here, gifted to us, but we reject it in so many ways. It's not something to be searched for or earned; it's right here with us, if only we can open our eyes. I'm so glad this piece was another little glimmer from the universe for you. This is the wonderful thing about connecting on spaces like this, I think - we can remind each other of the gifts of love x
It is right. We do not need others to look at us with the look we need to look to ourselves. We are enough, no matter what others think or say of us to be! 💯👍
I am with Lauren on this, I can say I love myself, and offer myself what feels like genuine love. But adoration? Hmmm I have never thought about it and it felt foreign when I tried to say it to myself. I resonate so much with having a higher standard then just caring for ourselves, what would happened if we talked to ourselves like someone we love, or maybe more importantly, we talked to ourselves like someone who deserves to be loved unconditionally?
Yes, I totally relate to it feeling foreign. Such an interesting thing to explore, with gentleness - and it’s totally OK and understandable if it feels weird or untrue. I imagine it as my ‘higher’ or parent self saying it to me; almost someone outside of myself, and that feels kind of wonderful.
Have you heard of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Letters from Love? This concept you shared reminds me of that practice. Because when I write to love I feel that higher presence or even higher self saying it to me and I can hold that. But me right now saying it, uncomfortable.
This is not just another piece on Self actualization. This is Gold. Because this is the first step, even though it’s a high-level. The first characteristic we need when engaging with ourselves is curiosity. A higher word for that is amazement. And an even higher word is adoration. Love love love this.
This has given me so much to ponder… I find adoration a harder one to turn on myself than even the word love… which I didn’t realise until I read this post. Going to see what surfaces when I practice this. Such a beautiful sentiment xxx
Loved these words and just reading them makes me think, gosh how nice would that be, to have that kind of love for yourself. And what an impact that would have on all areas of your life. Thank you Ellie, your words have really inspired me today ❤️
Beautifully written Ellie. I see you referenced Tara Brach's Trance of Unworthiness. Kristin Neff does some wonderful work and beautiful meditations on self compassion. I bow to your bravery and humanity ❤️
Adore is a strong word isn't it. I think my inner critic steps in too and I tell myself to be adored is to have someone obsessed with you or entranced. I wonder if that feels like too much for me. A really thought provoking post. When I was younger I definitely had a case of misheard lyrics. I thought it was I want to be a dawd. I wondered what a dawd was. Oh dear. I mean I wasn't even that young when it came out.
Ha ha that made me laugh! Yes it does feel strong. It’s funny because I thought my inner critic would jump in with ‘what the hell do you think you’re doing?’ but surprisingly the words just lifted me up and made my heart swell… and it made me feel LESS selfish and self-obsessed, it opened up my heart to love for others. So before it could even step in, my inner critic’s likely protests had been proved wrong! I really get that it feels too much. But would love to know what does happen when you try it - how does it feel in your body? What does your inner critic say? And what do you think it needs?
This is so beautiful, Ellie. I'm two and a half years into sobriety, and this is a practice I've started to appreciate too. In quiet moments, I call myself by my family nickname, Mishy, and tell myself that I'm loved and adored. It's so powerful! And as you say, you feel the love radiating out towards other people too. It's absolutely the starting point for true, deep love and compassion for everyone around you. I hope that with practice I'll be able to access that place of self-adoration not only in quiet moments, but always. What an unshakeable foundation that would be! Thank you for the beautiful reminder of the importance of this beautiful practice. 💕
Oh Michelle thank you for sharing this - I feel such joy knowing you can bring this practise of love and adoration to yourself. And huge congratulations on 2.5 years of sobriety xx
What a gorgeous essay! I so relate to chasing scraps of affection from boys when I was younger. I cringe to think of some of the situations I put myself in. Opening up to adore yourself is such a delightful invitation. But I do wonder why you don't believe you could get that from another person? My husband and I are celebrating 13 years of marriage this year. He totally adores and supports me, even when I am expressing the worst parts of me. His love has been so healing and steady for me. I can definitely see the danger of putting all your self-worth into a single person, but for me personally, it's been beautiful way to feel held and supported as I did my own healing work. My life has been often difficult, sad and lonely, but God was nice enough to give me a guardian angel.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and thoughts Suzanne. Congratulations to you and your husband :) Me and mine have been together that long too. And yes, you know - even as I was writing down that you can’t expect another person to adore you I did wonder whether that was true. Like you, I have found my husband’s love incredibly healing - he was the first person in my life I felt unconditional love from. And it is so wonderful to find a partner who adores us.
What I was meaning, I think, is that it isn’t so healthy - well, certainly wasn’t for me - to be looking for love and adoration solely outside of ourselves. Thinking ‘when someone loves me, then I’ll be OK’. Definitely we need love from other people - it’s essential for human beings - but also I believe it’s so important to cultivate love within ourselves. Otherwise our sense of safety and worth becomes dependent on another person - a lot of pressure for them, and also not a truly safe place for us to be. My husband’s love has been truly healing and helped me get out of a very bad place, but what is truly transforming my life and bringing me a sense of greater peace, connection and love for others, is first looking within myself for that love I so long for.
We are our own worst enemies. This was a beautiful read Ellie. We have to love ourselves.
Reading your absolutely gorgeous, intimate essay was the biggest and best gift right to my heart, Ellie!! I'm so touched I don't even know what to say tbh! I'm just so happy you are feeling the self-adoration you have always deserved. There's something about it isn't there, you nailed it. It's different from self-love and self-compassion.... it's like a brilliant dare or wink from the universe to go even further. And that you took the time to share this, well, that's just the entire BEST. Thank YOU. :) XO
Thank YOU Allison for the inspiration!xx
I love this so much. I feel all this and couldn’t have written it better. You made me feel seen and understood. Congratulations, and I already adore you.
Oh Priscilla this really moved me. I am so so glad to hear my words connected with you so deeply. Thank you for sharing this with me x
Yes! I love this so much. Dare I say that I adore you after reading this? These are the messages I get over and over again. It’s our birthright this self-love, this self-adoration, this self-consideration. Why not accept it, receive it, this gift of your own love. “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere.” – Buddha
Yes, Julie, that's it - it is our birthright and why not accept it? Once we see it (and inevitably forget again!) we can see that love is already here, gifted to us, but we reject it in so many ways. It's not something to be searched for or earned; it's right here with us, if only we can open our eyes. I'm so glad this piece was another little glimmer from the universe for you. This is the wonderful thing about connecting on spaces like this, I think - we can remind each other of the gifts of love x
It is right. We do not need others to look at us with the look we need to look to ourselves. We are enough, no matter what others think or say of us to be! 💯👍
And with that, brings to mind what an important teacher once asked,
“What would you be without your suffering”. …. Yup.
This is so stunning, thanks for writing!
You’re so welcome - and I’m so glad you connected with it ❤️
I am with Lauren on this, I can say I love myself, and offer myself what feels like genuine love. But adoration? Hmmm I have never thought about it and it felt foreign when I tried to say it to myself. I resonate so much with having a higher standard then just caring for ourselves, what would happened if we talked to ourselves like someone we love, or maybe more importantly, we talked to ourselves like someone who deserves to be loved unconditionally?
Yes, I totally relate to it feeling foreign. Such an interesting thing to explore, with gentleness - and it’s totally OK and understandable if it feels weird or untrue. I imagine it as my ‘higher’ or parent self saying it to me; almost someone outside of myself, and that feels kind of wonderful.
Have you heard of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Letters from Love? This concept you shared reminds me of that practice. Because when I write to love I feel that higher presence or even higher self saying it to me and I can hold that. But me right now saying it, uncomfortable.
Oh yes I think I have heard of that and I know her work. Thank you for the reminder and that practice sounds like it would be a great one to explore x
This is not just another piece on Self actualization. This is Gold. Because this is the first step, even though it’s a high-level. The first characteristic we need when engaging with ourselves is curiosity. A higher word for that is amazement. And an even higher word is adoration. Love love love this.
Oh thank you for your kind words Isaiah and I’m so glad this resonated with you x
I have a whole hierarchy of self and my number one step is curiosity, so yeah it really resonated
I love the word adoration, thank you for reminding me of its magic!
You’re welcome Eliza! I love it too x
This has given me so much to ponder… I find adoration a harder one to turn on myself than even the word love… which I didn’t realise until I read this post. Going to see what surfaces when I practice this. Such a beautiful sentiment xxx
Yes, I felt the same! It’s an interesting thing to try and see what comes up xxx
Loved these words and just reading them makes me think, gosh how nice would that be, to have that kind of love for yourself. And what an impact that would have on all areas of your life. Thank you Ellie, your words have really inspired me today ❤️
So glad to hear that Jenna. Yes it's amazing to think how it would change things.
Beautifully written Ellie. I see you referenced Tara Brach's Trance of Unworthiness. Kristin Neff does some wonderful work and beautiful meditations on self compassion. I bow to your bravery and humanity ❤️
Thank you so much Jerry. Yes I’ve found Kristen Neff’s work so helpful too - I often practise her 5 minute compassion break :)