On the few ocassions when I am alone at night, I cannot turn off the light and sleep. I think deep down in my unconscious, a hidden voice is screaming. The early years of our life are not always accessible to us. I know what you mean.
Yes, that hidden voice… And night time is often when we feel most vulnerable, in the silence, and those unconscious memories, perhaps what is stored in our bodies, comes to the fore. Thank you for sharing this Jerry. It’s sad to know that others feel the same as me, but is also a balm to know that I am not alone x
Thank you for the beautiful words, and for being vulnerable. I appreciate that you’re so willing to share yourself with us. Among all the options I have to distract or “fill space” when I am feeling lonely or uncomfortable, I think this place (Substack) has become my favorite... a refuge of sorts. I feel less alone among others willing to honestly share of themselves so beautifully, though (of course) I am still physically alone. I am a recovering addict and for me loneliness has always prompted the desire to escape and medicate. This is how healthy people deal with loneliness, or the feeling of disconnection, isn’t it? (I’m smiling)
Thank you, I'm so glad it resonated with you and that sharing about my experiences with loneliness have helped you feel less alone :) That touches my heart. And I really relate to what you say - I feel such a sense of belonging being around others who share vulnerably, whether online or in person.
Your last couple of lines there - it's funny, because I know you're saying it's unhealthy to medicate and escape from loneliness. And using drugs or alcohol is unhealthy, of course, but so many people (maybe most people? maybe everyone?) use different ways to escape loneliness - sometimes it looks healthy by society's standards e.g over-working, over-exercising, always being around people so that you're never alone... There are so many ways people try to escape this feeling and it's so understandable and so human. Loneliness is one of the hardest feelings to bear. And yet, like all feelings - shame, anger, grief, joy - it changes and moves when we bring attention to it, when we listen to it, and allow it to be what it is. This is what I have found.
I'm grateful you're here in this community sharing your thoughts :) x
Hello, Ellie, after some thought: Loneliness likely affects us all, yes. And like other feelings and emotions, it’s simply another part of our humanness... and I would go further and say feelings aren’t good or bad. How I choose to deal with feelings can be healthy or not. I agree (if I correctly understand what you are saying) that sitting with loneliness (or any uncomfortable feeling) will benefit me most. Even societally sanctioned ‘hard work’ or ‘community involvement’ (for just two examples) can also be ‘unhealthy’ ways to medicate discomfort along with obvious harmful addictions. In my experience, feelings are persistent and will reappear or reassert themselves until they are validated--and then, simply felt. Thank you again for your lovely share.
Totally agree - feelings aren't good or bad, they just are, though some are harder to be with than others. And yes, I really believe that being with them is the way to allow them to move through us rather than resisting. Suffering = pain + resistance. So we can be in pain, but if we're WITH it rather than resisting (trying to escape it, distract ourselves, numb it out) we are in suffering because these strategies don't make the pain go away in the long-term, exactly as you said.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. It's such a journey isn't it! I feel in the past few years I have learned so much wisdom and am un-learning what I was taught in my childhood.
Thank you for the beautiful reply. I was tempted to stop what I was doing and quickly reply, I was excited. But I paused because I feel this is an important conversation… so I’d like to give it some thought. I’ll get back to you, soon. I hope you’re well. :)
I felt so much of your words in my core… the fear of being left alone… I dread when Will goes away. It is like an ache of loneliness… and my nervous system goes into hyper vigilance which sometimes feels unbearable… it’s not lonely for him though, it’s a loneliness that goes way deeper than him. Beautiful words as always xxxx
On the few ocassions when I am alone at night, I cannot turn off the light and sleep. I think deep down in my unconscious, a hidden voice is screaming. The early years of our life are not always accessible to us. I know what you mean.
Yes, that hidden voice… And night time is often when we feel most vulnerable, in the silence, and those unconscious memories, perhaps what is stored in our bodies, comes to the fore. Thank you for sharing this Jerry. It’s sad to know that others feel the same as me, but is also a balm to know that I am not alone x
Thank you for the beautiful words, and for being vulnerable. I appreciate that you’re so willing to share yourself with us. Among all the options I have to distract or “fill space” when I am feeling lonely or uncomfortable, I think this place (Substack) has become my favorite... a refuge of sorts. I feel less alone among others willing to honestly share of themselves so beautifully, though (of course) I am still physically alone. I am a recovering addict and for me loneliness has always prompted the desire to escape and medicate. This is how healthy people deal with loneliness, or the feeling of disconnection, isn’t it? (I’m smiling)
Thank you, I'm so glad it resonated with you and that sharing about my experiences with loneliness have helped you feel less alone :) That touches my heart. And I really relate to what you say - I feel such a sense of belonging being around others who share vulnerably, whether online or in person.
Your last couple of lines there - it's funny, because I know you're saying it's unhealthy to medicate and escape from loneliness. And using drugs or alcohol is unhealthy, of course, but so many people (maybe most people? maybe everyone?) use different ways to escape loneliness - sometimes it looks healthy by society's standards e.g over-working, over-exercising, always being around people so that you're never alone... There are so many ways people try to escape this feeling and it's so understandable and so human. Loneliness is one of the hardest feelings to bear. And yet, like all feelings - shame, anger, grief, joy - it changes and moves when we bring attention to it, when we listen to it, and allow it to be what it is. This is what I have found.
I'm grateful you're here in this community sharing your thoughts :) x
Hello, Ellie, after some thought: Loneliness likely affects us all, yes. And like other feelings and emotions, it’s simply another part of our humanness... and I would go further and say feelings aren’t good or bad. How I choose to deal with feelings can be healthy or not. I agree (if I correctly understand what you are saying) that sitting with loneliness (or any uncomfortable feeling) will benefit me most. Even societally sanctioned ‘hard work’ or ‘community involvement’ (for just two examples) can also be ‘unhealthy’ ways to medicate discomfort along with obvious harmful addictions. In my experience, feelings are persistent and will reappear or reassert themselves until they are validated--and then, simply felt. Thank you again for your lovely share.
Totally agree - feelings aren't good or bad, they just are, though some are harder to be with than others. And yes, I really believe that being with them is the way to allow them to move through us rather than resisting. Suffering = pain + resistance. So we can be in pain, but if we're WITH it rather than resisting (trying to escape it, distract ourselves, numb it out) we are in suffering because these strategies don't make the pain go away in the long-term, exactly as you said.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. It's such a journey isn't it! I feel in the past few years I have learned so much wisdom and am un-learning what I was taught in my childhood.
Thank you for the beautiful reply. I was tempted to stop what I was doing and quickly reply, I was excited. But I paused because I feel this is an important conversation… so I’d like to give it some thought. I’ll get back to you, soon. I hope you’re well. :)
I felt so much of your words in my core… the fear of being left alone… I dread when Will goes away. It is like an ache of loneliness… and my nervous system goes into hyper vigilance which sometimes feels unbearable… it’s not lonely for him though, it’s a loneliness that goes way deeper than him. Beautiful words as always xxxx
Thank you Lauren. So glad to hear you relate - it's one of the most painful feelings to feel xxx
Wow, this is so beautifully written and so recognizable ❤️
Thank you Danielle. I'm glad it resonated with you x
wow, going 48 hours without your husband and only your own child keeping you company sounds awfully lonely indeed. Hang in there!
Hi Charlie, if I'm reading your tone right, it sounds like you didn't connect with my experience. Does loneliness show up differently for you?