What happens when a mother breaks free from alcohol?

On World Maternal Mental Health Day, sober mums share their stories

May 06, 2026

Today is World Maternal Mental Health Day, part of Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week. This is close to my heart. I could write a Substack all about motherhood if I had the time. I am working on a fantasy/memoir story about my experiences from those first couple of years (and am grateful to have been part of the MOSS & MILK Motherlore writing residency which has helped me prioritise time to write it).

Our mother heroine must undertake trials of strength and resilience, travel through caves and forests, portals in and out of an under/other world, and meet demons in disguise and animal guides. If motherhood has felt to you more like a brutal and mythic initiation than a cute Instagram pic, then I think you’ll like it.

My journey with motherhood and sobriety are so closely entwined. I had my last drink a few months before I became pregnant with my son. My 20-month journey to sobriety was one of huge transformation and healing, and then matrescence – the process of becoming a mother – was another period of enormous and often deeply painful change.

One of the best things you can do for your mental health, especially as a mum, is to massively cut down or quit drinking. Alcohol is sold to us as the answer to our exhaustion and stress but, I promise you, it isn’t. It makes your quality of sleep worse, it spikes anxiety, it makes you less patient and more irritable, it erodes your self-trust and it takes you away from being present with your children.

Mothers deserve real care and real support, not a poison that temporarily sedates us. We need to be healthy and awake in order to change the way things are. So that we can imagine and create a better world, together.

“Now I get to really be with my kids”

I asked my fellow Substack sober mums: how has your sobriety affected your parenting?

Here’s what they said:

“I quit drinking last August. My daughter told me the other day, “I trust you.” Best feeling ever. She’s never said that to me.” - Nicole Promisel

“For me, sobriety had to happen before I could make the decision to become a mom — I was too in my head and too muddled when I was drinking to be able to fathom motherhood. Once I got sober, it became crystal clear that I wanted to grow my family, and now I can’t imagine doing motherhood any other way.
I’m present, I feel clear, I have my priorities straight. I would absolutely not have been the mom I strive to be if I were still drinking and using THC daily, as I was for so many years leading up to my sobriety.” - Lauren Aldrich

“Because breaking up with alcohol coincided with a traumatic crisis, nervous system regulation became really important. I didn’t even realize how much I coped with uncomfortable feelings until alcohol was out of the picture. I HAD to learn to work with my nervous system, and that has made me a much better mom. I wish my kids had known regulated, sober me a little sooner—but I’m grateful they to now.” - Heidi Mills

“When I had my son I used alcohol in the evening to wind down. As a treat for ‘dealing with a colicky baby’ it was there at every bbq, while cooking dinner, celebrating, commiserating. Always there. I was great at controlling my drinking. My controlling shadow likes control. I was fun. Carefree baths were fun as I was tipsy.
Now I get to really be with my kids. I’m not tired from drinking. I can drive everywhere. I’m not chasing the alcohol. I’m totally present. Still working being totally present as it’s a lot. I do look after myself and regulation is still an issue. I can’t seem to find middle ground. Too stimulated, too frozen 🥶 BUT it’s a journey I’m on and it will improve with time. I’m thankful that my kids do not see me numbing out with booze.” - Sarah Oakley

“When I was drinking and a mom, I was mostly in my 20s. We split when she was three, so when Karli was at her dad’s, I would party like the rest of my non-encumbered friends. She would be returned to me usually while I was nursing a hangover. I would sneak to smoke cigarettes. I would get all wrapped up in unworthy men. I didn’t really drink in front of her, but I would carry this feeling of shame everywhere. I didn’t feel like I deserved her.
Now, and for a lot of her teen years, I was sober. The biggest difference for me is that I can confidently say that I’m a good mom and she can count on me any day of the week at any time of night (as long as my phone is not on ‘do not disturb’). And most of all she can count on me to take care of myself so she can focus on becoming whatever kind of young adult she wants to be.” - Julie Fontes

“Sobriety is the best thing I have ever done as a mother. There’s no greater gift than being a sober mom. ❤️‍🩹
I make a lot of mistakes (and I try to own up to all of them), but there are three things that I know I do well as a mother:
I read my kids a bedtime story every night. They can quote the Berenstain Bears to me. When one of them gets in trouble, they will ask each other : Do we need to read [insert Berenstain Bear book with specific moral lesson here]?
My children know I love them, and that I love them for their authentic selves, exactly as they are (as my parenting icon Mr. Rogers says)
I protect my kids fiercely.
The last one, protecting them —this is where my sobriety story comes into play.
When I was trying to get sober, I remember my sons looking in my eyes: they trusted me so, so much, so thoroughly, so completely.
What was happening in those moments when I would wake up on the couch, one of them curled on top of me, a beer spilled? Surely muscle memory took over and I had hugged them, held them. But were they scared?
They were too little to say anything back then, at least not to articulate it in a way that I recall. Could they have recognized the inherent danger of the situation? They were just 3 and 4 when I got sober.
The idea that I was not fully there gutted me.
I had to get sober — not for them, but for me.
They were the reason I got sober, but: the reason was so I could look at myself in the mirror and not fucking hate myself.” - Kristen Crocker

“For me, I have found that sobriety has softened my edges which makes for being a kinder, more compassionate and slower parent. I am slower in rushing in to “fix it” mode, likely because sobriety has taught me that control is not a condition I need to manipulate. I let my kids make more mistakes because I know that a big part of my numbing out was due to a persistent feeling of inadequacy. And I don’t want that for them. I want my kids to get comfortable with discomfort.
The thing beneath all this is that I always knew I was a good mom. But I wasn’t giving them the best parts of me. At the end of a stressful day before I got sober, I reached for a drink before ever going in for a hug from them. And it boggles my mind, still - that I never knew what I was missing.
As for parenting in my drinking years, I can tell you all about the regrets and shame that I carry over my kids having seen me habitually tipsy or drunk, or overhearing my spouse and I arguing in a booze-infused fight.
But honestly, the part of my heart that hurts the most when I think about all the years lost to drinking is the lack of presence that I had in the everyday moments. Sobriety has this magical way of waking you up to the world.
So often I think, what did I potentially miss when my daughter was four and starry eyed while I was glassy eyed? Now that I know what I can witness in one day of being open and alive with the clarity that sober living brings, my only regret is that I didn’t quit drinking sooner.” - Allison Deraney

“I was lucky that I was sober by the time I had my baby but unlucky that my years of drunkenness kept me from becoming a mother sooner. It was a real barrier, to have the thinking of a heavy drinking person, it made me believe I wasn't capable of being a mother or running a family or house. So a bitter sweet thing as so much of life is for those of us who have struggled with mental health/neurodivergence/addiction/adjustment to late capitalism!” - Chelsey Flood

“[In recovery|, I allow two things to be true at once: my terrible former choices and my goodness as a human.
Taking responsibility for my actions doesn’t make my history any truer — the past is already written in stone. But being accountable does restore my peace and power.
The fact that I am openly writing about a story that once haunted me is proof of my healing and steadiness.
Does it remain scary to say the unspeakable out loud?
Hell yeah.
And it also feels courageous, good, and true—my own personalized dog tags, now worn by the soul with honor.
Because life is rarely black and white. Sometimes it’s grey. Beautiful, haunting grey.
Alcohol never diluted my love for my three sons–only the way I was able to give and receive that love.
Now with clear veins, I am able to show up as a woman of dignity, truth, and honor. Ghosts and all.” - Jennifer Bridgman

Soulful Sobriety

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