What gifts have you been given today?

A question to ponder that may lift your mood

I offer this only as a possibility.

This is something that helped me, yesterday, when I was feeling unhappy and exhausted and was suddenly struck by the astounding miracle of being alive.

---

Yesterday I went for a walk on the nature reserve near my home, in the late afternoon autumn light. One of the gifts of autumn is golden hour that lasts much of the day. A Midas sheen on everything: burnishing the rough heads of the teasels beloved by goldfinches, the dying nettles, the puddles on the grass.

I was walking alone and I saw the path by the stream glowing with this light. I said ‘wow’ out loud, and walked towards it. I heard the robins singing to each other. I trod over the crunchy carpet of yellow and white leaves. When I stopped by the tall reeds to listen to them rustling in the wind, a huge blue dragonfly whizzed past my ear.

And the miracle is this: the world had laid this all out. Peacefully waiting for me to walk into it. To be here with it. Soft, quiet beauty. Stillness in life. What gratitude I have that I chose to go there and receive all those gifts.

---

The night before I hadn’t slept well. I had been awake for a couple of hours, worrying, and so yesterday I felt pretty terrible physically and had fallen into the temporary depression that sleep deprivation always brings me. I felt down about everything and my brain was working at half speed. I tried to be productive: answering emails, doing my tax return. I tried to push through the tiredness. In the end I gave up. My body was saying no. And outside the window the clear blue sky and October light was calling me.

As I walked, I still felt tired and headachey, of course. And sad and frustrated. But when I found this gratitude for the gifts of beauty nature was offering to me, I felt a bit better. A lot better actually. I found myself accepting the tiredness, accepting the low mood, accepting I wasn’t going to be a productive machine that day. It reminded me of those incredibly difficult days in early motherhood, where I would feel this way: so, so tired, and angry, and low. And yet able to see the beauty in the world. Able to see the gifts.

And I thought: what other gifts have I been given today?

---

I thought of my little boy River, laughing with delight that morning. I thought of him speeding along on his scooter as we went to the postbox, finding a small red and yellow leaf, picking it up and saying ‘look mummy, it’s bootiful!’

The gift of my parents-in-law looking after him which meant I could have time to rest and walk alone in nature.

The gift of being able to choose acceptance. Of being able to choose to take care of myself. To choose to receive the unwavering love and steadiness of the world.

---

So if you’re having a tough day, or even if you’re having a great day, I wonder what it would be like to ask yourself the question: what gifts have I been given today?

This isn’t to override your tiredness, your anger, your stress, your sadness, your grief. This is to be alongside it all. The difficult stuff is true. And perhaps something else can be true at the same time.

I would love to know what gifts you received today.

With love,
Ellie

---