The power of sober community
And knowing you're not alone
On Saturday, me and Jeni from The Sober Living Guide hosted a sober meet-up in Brighton. There were nine of us who gathered in the coffee shop on a quiet Saturday morning, and most of us had never met before.
I don’t often meet with groups of sober people but whenever I do it’s always something special. Just like any time a group of people with a shared experience connect, there is a sense of safety and trust in knowing none of us would judge each other. That whatever we shared would be met with nods and words of ‘yes, same’. Of course, everyone’s life experiences and journey to sobriety is unique, but there are so many commonalities that link us together.
I have found this similarly when talking of grief with another person who has lost a closed loved one. Hearing the words ‘This might sound weird but…’ and what they say never sounds weird. Most often my response is: ‘yep, I get it. I’ve thought that too. I’ve felt that, too.’
And in these groups the unspoken words are: you’re not alone.
Even as I write these words, I notice myself breathing more deeply. I notice a little more relaxation in my body. That sense of: it’s OK. I always long for deep connection with people and small-talk makes me anxious. One of the things I love about meeting other sober people is you tend to get straight to the heart of things very quickly!
Community can be so key in the early stages of quitting drinking and sobriety. I was part of a Facebook group when I was doing the This Naked Mind Alcohol Experiment, which I found really helpful. That was seven years ago; these days there are so many online communities you can join. And as more and more people choose not to drink alcohol, it’s getting much easier to find local sober meet-ups where you can find connection in person.
Community doesn’t have to mean lots of people: that’s definitely not for everyone. Your support might look like just one other person: a trusted friend who you can talk to and ask that question: ‘is it like this for you too?’
Jeni and I are planning to host another meet-up soon so if you’re in East Sussex and would like to come, do let me know. Comment on this post or email me at hello@ellie-nova.com.
In the future, I’d love to create an online community. The recent survey and interviews I’ve done have been so enlightening. I’ve been moved, humbled and inspired by what I have read and heard. And one of my big takeaways has been feeling that I’d love to create more spaces for this wisdom to be shared. There is so much I don’t know. There is so much more to learn. And I so love seeing others connect and laugh, their eyes light up, their heads nod and hearing those words ‘me too, me too.’ And in those spaces I, too, feel like I belong.
What community has helped you in sobriety?
Whether online or in-person, I’d love to know. Please do share in the comments to give others inspiration.
If you’re new here - welcome. I’m so grateful to you for reading my words. I’m Ellie: a sober coach, mentor, mother and writer. I’ve been sober since December 2019 and am grateful every day for the gifts of living alcohol-free. In A Little Fantastic Sober Life I share personal stories, supportive practices and information about alcohol to support you on sobriety journey.
As a sober coach, I help courageous women break free from alcohol for good, so you can create the life you didn’t even dream was possible for you. If you would like support on your own journey with 1:1 sober coaching you can find out more on my website.
Community is definitely a huge help, i agree. Although this time around its pretty lonely, maybe i need to find a group, can you suggest any? I dont think there are any local to me unfortunately